Thankful for My Disabled Body: How Chronic Illness Shifted My Perspective
Shifting perspective: embracing a disabled body with gratitude.
Do I blame God for my disabled body?
If you would have asked me this at the beginning of 2023 I probably would have said yes. But now, 2 and a half years since the onset of the severe chronic illnesses that has made me disabled, I’d say no.
Why? Because I know that God is good. Period. The reason why we have pain and suffering in this life (illness included) is because of the sin-filled world we live in.
Some people think that their struggles are a punishment from God for doing something wrong. But sometimes things just happen. That’s life.
When I first started to struggle with my illnesses, I couldn’t understand how any of it was Good. You see, I knew that God was good and that he wants good things for his children (Romans 8:28). So it was confusing to me how I could be a child of God who would have considered themself strong in their faith and struggle so deeply so fast. Did I do something wrong? Is it because I sinned? Or maybe because my parents sinned? (John 9:3) While I’ll never fully know the exact answer to these questions, I don’t have to because I know God uses everything for my good and His glory.
I saw my illnesses as some sort of punishment or a test I somehow needed to pass. But as time has gone on, I’ve realized that God has used my illnesses to bring me closer to Him and strengthen my faith. (James 1:2-4) He’s also used my illnesses to meet new people, make new friends and to hopefully love on and encourage others online who are also struggling.
So how do I feel about my disabled body now?
I’m honestly thankful for it. Sure, there’s a lot that my body simply cannot do. And that’s okay. But for every one thing It can’t do, I can identify a handful of others that it can do. I may not be able to do anything even mildly exerting without a monsterous crash 24-48 hours later but I am able to rest well and be intentional with how and where I spend my time. Sure, I may not be able to do the things i used to on my own but I am able to ask for help. You get the gist.
So you may be asking, what changed?
My perspective did. Instead of looking at things in a negative light, I choose to see them through a different lens. And that lens is what keeps me going on the super hard days when nothing seems to be going my way.
I still have days where all I can do is rest in bed, honestly that’s all of my days now. But even on those days when even laying in bed feels like it takes too much energy, I can still rejoice in my life because at least the Lord is sustaining my breath. I know it’s cliche but there is always something to be thankful to God for. It just depends on whether or not you’re willing to shift your gaze to those things. (Philippians 4:8) And don’t get me wrong. I don’t always default to this outlook but when I do, I do so much better.
If you also struggle with chronic illness, i’ll leave you with a Bible verse that I find encouraging. I hope that it can be a comfort and an encouragement to you also.
“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” - 2 Corinthians 4:16-18 NIV