The Chronic Chronicles: Health Update #1

Originally written 1/6/23

There’s nothing more distressing than not being able to breathe. It’s a basic human need and a basic human right. One that we often times take for granted.

More than anything over these past few weeks all I’ve wanted was to breathe. Even more so over the last 6 days. My periodic chest pain with shortness of breath has quickly turned into constant chest pain with extreme shortness of breath.

I am out of breath and exhausted after walking from my room to the bathroom (down the hall). I wake up gasping for air in the middle of the night. My heart rate is constantly above 120 while I’m sitting or laying still. No amount of deep breaths seems to provide my body with the oxygen it so desperately needs to survive. The fatigue is extreme and I fear I’m going to pass out constantly as I am always dizzy.

I’ve been to the ER twice in the last week looking for answers. Very few were given. Although they did find a mass in my right lung. Could that be the answer? Who knows. It’s all a waiting game. One I’m struggling to wait out. I just want to breathe. I want to walk without feeling like I can’t breathe and like I’m going to pass out. I’ve been out of work all week. I want to go back and hold my kiddos, which I’m not capable of doing right now. It’s all very sad and incredibly scary. To fear that I might stop breathing in my sleep or pass out while driving or walking.

Even though this is new to me, it’s something I’ve never dealt with, I’m trusting that God will walk with me and sustain my breath. After all, it’s always been in His hands. This is not unknown to Him. While I and my doctors are looking for answers, God already knows. No matter the outcome, He is by my side. And for that I am thankful.

If you have a moment, please remember me in your prayers.